Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
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