Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
