It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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