Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
