just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Randomize
