eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
