she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
