After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
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I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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