You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
