wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
