Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Randomize
