i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
