I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
