She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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