I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
