Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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