please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
