if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
