Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
