as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
