I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Randomize
