I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
