i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
