Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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