she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
