Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
