At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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