this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
