Four minutes until I can fart!
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
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