she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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