so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
