I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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