your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
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