and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
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There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize