Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
We're too hungover to prance.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience