You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!