drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
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