u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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