didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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