she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Is this like a preordered booty call?
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
