I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
