Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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