playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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