i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
