Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
