you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize