I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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