i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
