Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
