We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
