Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
