turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
