It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
