dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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