He disabled his match.com account in front of me
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
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