he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
