He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
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