Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
