Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
