how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
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im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
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You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
sex in a hospital.. check
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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