i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
