I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
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Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
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She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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