Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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