I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
