Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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