my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
